August 2011

1.  We have two sons – 17 & 12 – the older is constantly ranting about his belief that drugs (especially marijuana) should be legalized.  He goes on and on about how using drugs doesn’t hurt anyone and how smoking weed is better for you than drinking, etc., etc.  I’m worried his attitude will spill over to our younger son.  Any advice on how to handle & dispel my older son’s beliefs will be much appreciated.

It would be rare for someone who did not indulge in Marijuana (or other drug) use to be so passionate about it being legalized or to make patently ridiculous statements like “using drugs doesn’t hurt anyone.”   While handling and attempting to dispel his beliefs is important, a far more important issue is very likely to be his substance use, and if it is active, any movement in his belief system is unlikely.  If you see any signs or symptoms of active drug use, please address those with an addiction professional ASAP.

The arguments about  the use of drugs in our society are extensive and complex. Unfortunately, there is no iron clad way to dispel your older son’s beliefs.  People using Marijuana are less prone to violent acts than drinkers of alcohol, but marijuana has far more profound negative effects on memory and motivation…and the back and forth could go on nearly endlessly.  We encourage you to look into the research and clinical evidence available on Marijuana, most easily available on the internet.  Some facts about marijuana use include:  it has been found that marijuana smoke contains  50 -70 percent more carcinogens than tobacco smoke!  Since users inhale the unfiltered smoke deeply and hold for a longer period of time, the lung tissue is irritated resulting in coughing, phlegm and increased risk of emphysema.  THC also has a negative impact on the immune system,  resulting in more frequent bouts with bacterial infections and respiratory illnesses. Since marijuana reduces memory retention and attention span, learning is compromised, resulting in decreases of accomplishment in the classroom or workplace. Chronic marijuana smokers  have a higher frequency of divorce and disruptive family life.

Begin a conversation with your older son on the grounds of looking at how we form our opinions and the importance of bias in both the presentation and interpretation of information.  Start with a genuine curiosity about how he has formed his beliefs about Marijuana and where he has gotten his information from.  If he is using Marijuana, he is unlikely to have either the ability or the inclination for a serious discussion about beliefs, bias and life – which leaves you with this standard parental response as your best option:  ”while I can respect your opinions about marijuana or other drugs, the rules in our house will always be  that any illegal alcohol or other drug use is strictly prohibited, and,  any talk that promotes or encourages substance use is not allowed in the house.”  The same rules apply for the 12 year old.

If your older son is using, that will have a far more profound impact on your younger son than his verbally expressed beliefs. Older siblings are a tremendously powerful influence and most especially at the ages your sons currently are.  A concern that your question also raises is whether you are more focused on protecting your younger son and have almost given up on your older son.  A good family counselor with a strong knowledge and experience base in substance abuse could be an invaluable asset in addressing your situation.

2.  I suspect my 15 year old daughter is using marijuana – how can I tell?  What should I do?

You are fortunate in that Marijuana is one of the substances that  is easiest to find on a urine drug screen and can be found for many days after last use.  We strongly recommend testing.  Most often a parent’s suspicions do not arise until sometime after use has actually started. It is important that you have the test done by an entity with expertise in the drug testing process, like a local drug and alcohol treatment center,  rather than through a family physician.  A treatment center can help you make sure the test is valid, interpret the results,  and help guide you to appropriate help if the test is positive. It is important that you ask for a quantitative test, as if it is positive you will want to be able to look for increasing or decreasing levels of THC on future tests. There are many ways to cheat on drug tests and this information is readily available to even novice users. Your daughter needs to be unaware of the test until it happens. This is one of the few tests you do not want her studying for.  Be prepared for resistance on her part, which, if she is actively using, may be quite fierce. Avoid anger and judgment and make this an issue of protecting her health and safety.  Additionally, Whether she is using or not, you are sending a clear message that you are paying attention to her actions and you have no tolerance for any illegal use of alcohol or other drugs.  If your child does refuse, take it as a greater sign that she likely is using.  If she tries to guilt you into not giving the test by saying you need to just trust her, a good response would be:   “a clean test will provide me with the knowledge to trust you more!”

The questions above are from parents who live in the South Bay. The responses have been provided by members of the South Bay Coalition whose expertise and experience lies in parenting, counseling, and/or substance abuse prevention. The South Bay Coalition is a non-profit partnership of agencies working to prevent substance abuse among our community’s youth. For local resources or more information, please visit our website www.thefutureiswatching.org or contact: events@sbcoalition.com